It is almost a year to the day that I’ve last written here. Things change, as things do. I’m still the anxious, rambling mess I was almost 365 days ago, just a little older. Perhaps more self-possessed? Excruciatingly worn. Forever hopeful.
Sometimes life gets in the way and you forget outlets exist, and then you accidentally click a link embedded in your browser and *boom* it’s last year again.
I’m not going to waste time updating people (aka myself) on what has come to pass, as I’m certain I’m the only one reading this, and therefore already know the things.
So I guess I’ll start where I am.
It’s kinda funny, actually. A year ago I was in the exact same spot as I am now- at my grandmothers, looking for a new job. Granted I still have a job, but it ends September 4th and I now have a rent and a hungry kitten belly to feed.
I’m about as melodramatic as ever. I don’t think that’s changed much.
I’m very into compromising for other people. I’m a little jumpy and I tend to overthink every action and response. I daydream about a the future, but don’t dare mention it to the person I want to share it with, because I’ll scare them away for sure.
I’m in a holding pattern.
I’m also very into bread. It is marvelous and makes me happy and therefore I will enjoy it.
Job hunting still sucks, but I’m more experienced now and my resume looks pretty dang good.
I want to go to grad school, but I’m not sure what kind of program I’m interested in. I’m taking the GREs in two months but I’ve only studied for about ten minutes a month ago.
I don’t really know what I want to do with my life, if anything I’m more confused after this year. I know I’m not interested in law, and that I am interested in medicine but don’t have the capacity for med school. I’m leaning towards Public Health, but also Sociology, and maybe still Psychology, or I’ll say fuck it and go to art school for an MFA and doodle for a living.
I have tattoos now.
I love my tattoos.
half my head is shaved.
I have mixed feelings about that.
I mostly miss my hair, but enjoyed the experience of shaving it off. Besides, it’s only hair. It’ll all be back.
My body fluctuates, but isn’t as big as it was. Muscled, actually. I work out 3x a week. I’m getting into weight training, though I’m most comfortable with intensive 30-minute cardio. Planet Fitness is amazing and I can workout wherever all the time, whenever I get anxious or fixated or just need to do something productive.
I’m doing better than I was.
I have a long way to go.
Medicated Mess 